My testimony part 2

Hello friends, let’s take a moment to pray before we dive into this next part of my testimony. I pray that God is able to use me in a way to help others through this passage. I also believe that sharing all of this will also be a way to move past it. I thank you for your patience and your understanding. Read with caution as some themes of abuse and sexual abuse may be triggering to some. This next part is a little bit difficult to talk about so I will try to be brief. We are time jumping to when I was five years old.

My birth father and birth mother divorced. I do not remember what happened between them. My birth father remarried which meant a new step mother and step brothers. Soon, we moved to Georgia where our new family awaited us. After we moved, my sister and I would see very little of him. I am unsure where my birth mother went or, why we did not see her. I think the answer lies with my birth father, who changes the story every time. But everything changed for me again at five years old.

Being five years old at the time I cannot remember what I was feeling when I met them. My sister and I have different recolections of our past. I am sure everything seemed normal while we were all adjusting to each other. I can not tell you when everything began to change either. As we got older I did notice that our step mother treated my sister and I differently. The boys became abusive phycially and mentally. No one could really tell how bad things were from the outside looking in. My life felt like the song “Concrete Angel,” by Martina McBride. I remember being sent to time out one time for so long that I ended using the restroom on myself. My step mother did not like that. I received a worse punishment for that. We were not allowed to go to bed early on the weekends. We were forced to stay up until midnight. If we were caught falling asleep we would get in trouble for that as well. I remember my step mother did not like how my sister cleaned something. I would be awakened by my step mother dragging my sister from her top bunk. Her head a sickening noise as it hit the floor. My sister screamed as she was dragged away toward the hallway bathroom. Blood poured from my sister’s nose as our step mother showed her what she had done wrong. My sister had it harder than I did.

There are many unspeakable things that happened to me. For one I was molested by one of my step brothers. I typed, erased, retyped and finally decided that I did not wish to spare any details of what happened to me. I also did not wish my audience be upset with me for sharing those details.

I am not sure how soon after that. My step mother beat my sister in front of my birth father. He had us pack our things. He drove us down to live with our grandmother, aunt, and uncle. Life would begin to feel like we were finally living. Like we were allowed to live and be free. The best part, we learned what a parent’s love would be like. My birth father would leave us to go back to our step mother. While our aunt, uncle, and grandmother would enter a custody battle to protect us from our parents.

But still after all of that he chose to love me. I know now that Jesus never left me. He gave me a wonderful friend to lean on during that time. Even though I was told I could not be her friend, she was determined. Even through times like these I can look back and find God. I wish I knew that then. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

We need to remember that even though Jesus was beaten, he still chose to forgive those who persecuted Him. He chose love. “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” Luke 23:34. He was as human as we are. He felt pain and shame. So I to chose forgiveness and love. Even though its hard to do.

Thank you for your time and allowing me to share my truth. Part three will be better but I still have trials to face as do we all. “May the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26. Shalom.